AFRAID TO BE ALONE

(Lac La Blance- Photograph by me)

I remember the first time I was alone in my whole life was the time when the husband works in United State for a 1 year contract. The first day was so difficult for me. I was crying and crying and crying when he left. I was not able to sleep in the night. I already had my ticket to join him but it was scheduled 1 week after because he still needs to find a place to stay. He wanted to have the place before I will arrive. 

One week after, I flew to Vancouver. I had a bad luck when I arrived at the costume. I had my US tourist visa which is good until 2014 but they didn't allow me to enter US because I need to have a TD visa (my hubby had TN visa and they told me that I'm not visiting my hubby but living with him). Good thing that I have a friend to stay in Vancouver. I called the US embassy the next day to have an appointment to get my TD visa but unfortunately, there was no available time before 1 month. I have no choice but wait. Hubby visited me in Vancouver every other weekend. 

I got my visa and stay in Seattle for 3 months only that I suppose to stay there until the end of hubby's contract. I didn't like the place. We lived in the hotel and I can't cook. I need to go out if they clean the room. So I decided to go back home and stayed alone for 7 months. 

I thought it was easy for me but I was wrong. I can't drive on that time and my french was not yet good. I found it hard and I'm always praying that his contract will be over and be together again.

After his contract, he didn't go back. The company where he worked always called him to go back with all the good benefits and higher salary but he chose to stay with me. I was so happy with his decision.

But now, hubby is scheduled to fly to Alberta for a short term job but it can be extended. I don't want him to go but he likes the job and the salary is way to high. I said okey thinking that I will be okey since I can drive now and I'm working. I will only be alone at night. 

Six days more to go and he will fly to Alberta. As the days goes by, I started to feel lonesome. I can't imagine myself on the day that he will leave to the airport. Just thinking of it makes me cry. 

I'm so afraid to be alone. I know he always call me but alone in the house, I don't know if I can survive. I'm too dependent to him. 

I can't change the plan now. I have to accept it...I think I can do it...no...I CAN DO IT..I HAVE TO.